A robber enters a bank, he pulls out a gun, and he shouts: "Everyone on the ground. This is a robbery!". Immediately, everyone in the bank drops down with their hands on their heads except for one man reading a newspaper.

The man lowers his newspaper and begins to stare at the robber with an amused look on his face.

It makes the robber angry, so he walks towards the man, puts the gun to his face, and asks him: “what so funny, ha? You want to get shot?”.

The man’s amused look turns into a smile as he answers the robber back: “You are joking right?”.

The robber, bursting with anger, places the gun one inch away from the man’s face and says: “Say that again. I dare you”.

The man, who was previously completely relaxed, is now getting a bit worried. He lowers his newspaper further and says: “No, really. You are not serious, are you?”.

The robber sticks the gun into the man’s forehead and threatens with a more serious tone: “One more word and I swear I am pulling the trigger”.

The man, no longer showing the slightest hint of amusement, says: “Look, there is a first time to everything, but this is unbelievable. Do you really have any idea of what you are doing?”.

“that is it!” the robber snaps. “I have a gun, you are unarmed, everybody else is scared to death, and there are zero guards in here! Don’t you understand the situation? I completely got this under control!”.

At this point, the man puts down his newspaper with an honest, concerned look on his face. He looks the robber in the eye and says: “Dude, this is a blood bank”.

I asked this girl to prom

She said yes! As long as I took care of all the details! So I took some odd jobs mowing grass, washing cars, walking dogs all to be able to afford buying the the things I needed to buy! I finally saved up enough money and set out to get the things we’d need.

First I needed to get her a dress, so I headed to the dress shop. The line was insane! It went clear around the side of the building almost to the street! I got in line and waited and waited and finally picked out a dress and bought it for her.

Next I needed a tux, so I drove to the tux rental place and low and behold the line was even longer than the dress shop! So I got in line and waited and waited and finally was able to pick out my tux and pay for it.

Next we need the tickets to the prom, and apparently it was at the same time everyone that was going also needed their tickets! The ticket line went from the front of the school clear out to the football field! I waited and waited and finally got to the end of the line and bought our tickets.

Next we needed the boutonnières so I drove to the flower shop and wouldn’t you just know it! The line stretched clear around the building across the street down and alley and into the next neighborhood, but I was determined. So I got in line and waited and waited and waited finally I was able to buy the flowers and get to the last thing on my list.

I got back in my car and drove to the limo rental place and of course the line there was as long as the line to the flower shop! I finally made my way inside and put the deposit on the very last limo they had available that night!

The big night arrived and my date and I were dancing and having a fantastic time! After a few songs she looked at me said she was thirsty and asked if I’d go get her a drink.

So I went over to the refreshment table and to my surprise There was no punch line.

How to find a Husband – Nice Story

A “Husband Shopping Center” has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store has five floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch:  As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last husband, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 – You are visitor number 123,974,389 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.

 This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at HusbandMart and have a nice day.

Man in a helicopter

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

“I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”

A lady goes into hospital for labia reduction surgery…

When she wakes up she finds three cards on her bedside table. The first card is from her the surgeon and says “the surgery was a complete success, get well soon” she says to herself “how nice.”

The second card is from her husband and says “glad the surgery was a success, love you and get well soon. Again she says to herself “how nice.”

The third and final card is from Jimmy in the burns unit and says “glad the surgery was a success. P.s thanks for the new ears”