Nova Guynes
Emails that make me smile
To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself." Me: "I'd rather not. I kinda want this job."
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects
I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say 'nothing,' it doesn't mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I hate it when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I’m on.
I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like “East."
It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles in a bucket of glue.
That moment when you walk into a spider's web suddenly turns you into a karate master.
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
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